Resort. I had to look up the word because I felt I may have missed or forgotten its’ meaning.
I mean, it’s not like we have never stayed in a resort. In fact, we have stayed in some of the finest resorts in the world. Years ago, I called on some of the top resort chains of the world, not the least Four Seasons, Nikko, Sheraton, Trusthouse Forte, and Princess Hotels, and generally over my career have stayed at many other 4-5 star resorts.
Resort is, according to Merriam Webster, a place designed to provide recreation, entertainment, and accommodation especially to vacationers : a community or establishment whose purpose or main industry is catering to vacationers.
That is in my mind a low bar. I tend to see a resort in a little more finite detail – to include amenities such as a concierge, a golf course, pool, tennis or pickleball courts, a sauna, decent food & beverage, room service, and perhaps a little shopping.
Now I won’t lie – we are not resort people. Yes, I play golf, but I suck. I swim, but you won’t find my clammy-white body poolside (I am more likely to get pregnant than tan). And I would rather have my genitals crushed than play pickleball against Type A overachievers from Minnesota (sorry, no offense to Minnesotans).
If you are still reading this post, know that I now think even less of you than I did before. You might as well keep reading – what the hell. You’ve already wasted two minutes you’ll never get back.
What about RV resorts? Generally, you don’t hear from others that this place or that is a resort. The RV places TELL you they are a resort. There is no imagination here. It is in their name. Pick-Your-Name RV Resort.
Now perhaps we don’t hold RV resorts to the standards of a Gainey Ranch in Scottsdale, the Four Seasons in Maui, or some resort in Marbella on the Costa del Sol. But there is still some expectation that if you call yourself a resort, that perhaps you might offer amenities beyond water, sewer and electric. Right? Right??
We are currently staying at a self-called RV resort. We are in a valley between two major highways in a place that generally you would see a sand and gravel company, or a DPW shed to store snowplows and salt for the winter. In our case, it is an RV resort.
The sound is deafening from the 24-hour traffic. Fortunately, we have had shitty weather, so we haven’t ventured out much. But if you spent any amount of time here or worked here, you would be a serious risk of hearing loss.
As parking lots go, this is a nice one. It does have full hookups, and our site is close to the river.
And there is wildlife here – if you include the 60-pound ducks or geese that pan for handouts.
But a resort? Are you joking? I guess if you went back to the Merriam Webster definition, you might find your way to describing this as a resort. But then you would have to describe the NYC subways as your own personalized limousine service.
I don’t mean to pick on the RV resort where we are staying – I am sure they are very nice people and I have no argument with the place – other than calling themselves a resort.
Words matter, and I would hope all organizations choose their descriptions in ways that match the results. Under-promise and over-deliver.
From yours truly, the greatest writer of all time, the James Michener of useless travel blogs, Brad.
See you down the road at a resort near you!