I have issues.  For many of you, that may not come as an “aha” moment.  I know some of you have issues as well.  But really, we don’t have that much time.

Today, I would like to bring to light an ailment I suffer from, known in the medical/psychiatric world as PPS – Paranoid Passenger Syndrome.  This is an ailment caused by being deathly afraid of dying as a result of being a passenger in a car driven by someone (anyone) else.  While rarely discussed, I feel confident that I am not alone in suffering from this ailment.

Some of the symptoms of PPS include elevated heart rate, sweating, a feeling of dread, and flashbacks of your life as you enter the passenger seat of a car about to be driven by another person.

Other PPS symptoms can include planting your feet on the floorboards so securely that you get cramps in your feet, the inability to finish a sentence due to a lane change, holding on so tight to any part of the car that you leave permanent fingerprints, or simply holding your breath the entire length of the trip.  If you suffer from PPS more than 4 hours, see a doctor.

While I am not a doctor, I believe this syndrome may be related to early child issues.  Or, it could be justified, sensible judgment. Are you really paranoid if they are actually out to get you?

Recently, I was one of several passengers in a vehicle where the driver was actively (as in with both hands) working on his smartphone musical playlist while driving.  He looks over at another driver in the next lane and says, “Can you believe that shithead is texting while driving?”  We can’t expect Darwin to solve all our problems.

Some of you may be psychiatrists, or psychologists and understand the root cause of this syndrome. And some of you are clearly psych cases. I won’t call you out by name, but you know who you are.  You may have your own twisted ideas.  Best to keep those ideas to yourself, at the risk of embarrassing yourself.   Cat’s already out of the bag for me.

Regardless of the causes attributed to PPS, I wanted to achieve three small goals here: 1) raise awareness to this debilitating ailment, 2) allow others to share in this story, and 3) to provide a venue by which you can contribute to the cure for PPS.

If you would like to send a non-tax-deductible payment, simply go on to the foundation website (BradisaCompleteWhackJob.com) and donate your next month’s food budget to this worthy cause.

And to show solidarity with others, next time you are a passenger and go by another passenger, send them the universal sign that you too are a PPS survivor.

See you down the road.